Relationships are a lot of work, and people often enter them not understanding the full weight of their responsibilities. The Reddit community compiled a list of things everyone should know before getting into a relationship.
1. Not Only Are You Getting a Partner, You Need To Be One as Well
“This is very well put! And honestly something I really had to learn growing up.. I am with my husband for many years, and he is just the most amazing man ever.. It took me a few months to realize that he was putting in so much work into our relationship, and that I wasn't giving the same in return.. Then it took a while to figure out, together, how we could each contribute in our own way but still keeping things balanced,” one user shared.
2. Accept the Other Person as They Are
One user cautioned, “Which means that if there’s something about them that’s a deal breaker for you, don’t expect that it will ever change. Take that as your cue to leave.” Another user agreed, “This. Everyone has stuff others won't like. Everyone, ourselves included. The trick is finding someone whose flaws you can live with and vice versa.”
3. Don't Pretend To Be Someone You're Not Just To Get Into the Relationship
One user warned, “If you're pretending to be someone you aren't to get in the relationship it's not going to work.” Another agreed, “Do you love yourself? If yes, then by probability there's gotta be someone out there who will love you for you as well. If no, then self improvement, be the person you want to be, loving yourself comes before loving another in terms of importance.”
4. Your Happiness Is Your Responsibility
One person pointed out, “Yes. Some are missing the nuance here but essentially if you think the other person’s job is to MAKE you happy, everyone is going to have a bad time. Of course you can and should contribute to each others happiness, but the individual must choose positivity and levity and work on their inner demons – no other person can achieve that for you.”
Another user added a helpful insight. “I always say that a relationship should be like getting sprinkles on your ice cream, you can have the ice cream as is and you’ll enjoy it, but the sprinkles just make it so much better.”
5. Sometimes, It’s Just Not Worth Fighting For
“Sometimes it’s just not worth fighting for,” one user said. “Relationships have hard times. But it shouldn’t ALWAYS be a hard time sometimes you just have to accept your energies don’t align and move on to allow yourself true happiness.”
6. No One Is Perfect. Compromise Is a Must
“There are no unicorns. You will have to compromise,” one user said. Another cautioned, “But don’t compromise on your deal breakers or hope you can change someone. You should find someone who is compatible with you on the big things – what kind of life you want, if you want kids, how you handle disagreements, how you handle money, etc. Also learn what common red flags for abuse are in relationships. Don’t compromise on those.”
7. You Could Do Everything Right and They Might Still Leave
One user shared, “It's happened to me and it took about three years for me to really get over it and be ready to put myself back out there. But the point is that I did eventually move on. It's one of those risks that just comes with the territory and you either have to make peace with that and accept some risk, or decide its not worth the risk of getting hurt and be single forever.
That said, the slower you take things, the slower you get attached and the easier it is to see warning signs and cut your losses before you get too far into a situation that's never gonna work. The less attached you are, the less it sucks if it doesn't work out.
All potential gains in life come attached with potential loss. It's up to you to do the risk/return analysis and decide whether it's worth it to you.
In closing, that scenario does really suck. But I'll tell you from experience, you'll get through it and you'll be better for it. Then you can try again if you want. Life goes on.”
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8. Love Is a Choice
One user said, “Love is an action and a choice. You need to make the choice to love someone you’re in a relationship with by showing that to them. Love isn’t just the romantic feelings you have for someone – you have to actually ‘do' love.” Another user agreed. “1000% to this. Words alone aren't enough. Same goes with action alone. You need to affirm and show love frequently. Both are a necessary reassurance.”
9. Take Time for Yourself
One user pointed out, “Don't forget to take time to yourself, especially if you're in a long term relationship. It's not all gonna be peaches and cream, there's gonna be days where the bad outweighs the good and there's gonna be days the good outweighs the bad, stick together communicate, have a little bit of trust and empathy and you'll be alright. Don't give up because of a rough spot between the two of you, if you really love them do what you can to get the spark back.”
10. Understand Yourself First
One user shared, “Know yourself: It's important to understand your own values, needs, and goals before entering a relationship. This will help you to communicate effectively with your partner and to make sure that you are compatible.”
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