At some point, it just feels like you're forcing your relationship to work, even if it's not. Here are ten red flags to know your relationship is going to end soon.
1. Not Sharing Important Information or Caring To Hear Theirs
Or talking in general, really. You might go through the motions of asking how their day was or if anything interesting happened, but you don't actually care. Once communication breaks down in a relationship, it's basically doomed. Reddit users shared their experiences with this situation.
“Have been divorced. This one. When my ex and I were beginning to separate I just found myself not having any desire to send them something, a song, a meme, an article, I thought they would enjoy. It would occur to me they would like it, but I was no longer invested in them or their happiness and found myself not bothering to hit two buttons to share it. Even enjoyable things we would do together I would just do on my own and be content. That’s how I knew I was beginning to shed the obligation toward then,” one person said.
2. Having Anxiety When They're Around
Another sign your relationship might be on the rocks is if you get strong feelings of anxiety when your partner gets home. You no longer have emotional stability around this person. One user shared, “I don't think I really registered the anxiety until I noticed the giant weight of said anxiety coming off of me the minute he left the house. I would literally cry from the relief.”
Contempt is a huge relationship killer. No one likes it when someone rolls their eyes while talking to them or dismisses their interests. One can only be put down by another person so many times before they say enough is enough. One user shared a study they came across about contempt in relationships.
“I remember seeing an article about a study that found contempt to be the best indicator. So they recorded a bunch of couples having a conversation and then a few years later checked back in to see who was still together and who had split. They then looked over the recordings in search of trends. They found contempt (rolling of eyes, putting down the other person's interests or perspectives, etc.) to be the number one indicator.”
4. Asking Friends or Family if They Think You Should Break Up
This one is a classic. You're basically saying that you know you need to break up, but you need your friends to back you up and assure you that you're doing the right thing. In some instances, though, your friends and family might not have your best interests at heart, so take it with a grain of salt if they're too eager for you and your partner to split.
One user shared, “Had friends tell me to stay in the relationship because they couldn't understand what was really going on inside it. Really hurts when no one has your back for a decision that is actually good for you.” Another advised, “DO NOT do what people tell you. you should be your own man/woman and do what makes you happy. pleasing others is not the way.”
5. You Find Yourself More Annoyed by Your Partner's Presence Than Enjoying It
Everyone has flaws, but when the smallest things your partner does begin to annoy you, it might be time to call it quits. Things that you used to overlook because you loved them and accepted their shortcomings are no longer acceptable. One user said, “When you start contemplating if the relationship is worth it and find yourself more annoyed by your partner's presence than enjoying it.”
Another confessed, “I've actually had such a case two years ago. It was my first partner and I loved him, but since months it had not been going well, we were always fighting and I didn't feel like I was taken seriously anymore. One day I caught myself imagining how I'm going on a date with a guy I would get to know on a dating app in the future. Sadly I didn't take the hint, I only felt guilt and moved on until he actually broke it off, which I am very thankful for, I think I couldn't have made it back then.”
6. You'd Rather Work Late Than Go Home to Them
No one likes to work overtime, especially at a dull nine to five. So when you've gotten to the point when you'd rather be sitting at your cubicle than at home with your honey, it might be time to say goodbye.
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One user shared, “My wife used to work in a medical practice. One of the docs came in, almost half an hour late and grumpy; someone said “Cheer up doc, it could always be worse!” He snapped back “Yeah, it could always be worse – I could still be at home.'” Another chimed in, “I have a friend in that situation right now. Everyone but her sees that it's over but she still clings on. It's so frustrating to watch but there's nothing I can do about it.”
7. When They Keep Promising To Change but Never Do
This can turn into a toxic cycle very quickly. You point out an issue, your partner swears they'll change, and they do, for about 48 hours. And then the cycle begins anew. There comes a point where you have to acknowledge that you can't change someone who doesn't want to change, cut your losses, and move on.
One user shared some insight from their own relationship. “Especially if you are fully going through that cycle, all the way down to the bottom, every time. You’re going to fall back into bad habits: it’s human nature. But, if you picture “the cycle” on a clock with 12:00 as good and 6:00 as really bad, you should start to catch those habits before you hit 6:00. I feel like my hubby and I still get to 1:00 and 2:00 pretty often, but usually by 3:00, we’ve caught the problem and started working on it to get back up to 12:00.
For example, I figured out several years ago that I get really impatient with my husband when I’m not spending enough time with him. I forget that’s he’s charming and sweet and only remember his faults when he’s away. This used to lead to me building up and building up until I instigated a huge argument. That was the 6:00 for that cycle. Now I still sometimes get to 1:00 because I get lazy and not proactive about time together, but around 2:00, I go “huh, every little thing he does annoys me. Time for date night.”
It has been years since we got past 4:00 on any given issue. There’s a good chance we will find a new cycle to hit rock bottom on at some point in our marriage, but hopefully having survived several others will help us get through that.”
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Indifference is another big relationship killer. Once you become apathetic towards your partner and their life, the relationship is as good as over. One user shared, “Indifference. Ambivalence to how they treat you, what they do with their days/lives, whether or not you 2 have a future… if you’re indifferent you’re likely done investing any energy into keeping things going.”
Another agreed, saying, “Yep. The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is apathy.”
9. Looking More Forward to Time Apart Than Time Together
There is a fine line between enjoying some healthy alone time away from your partner, and becoming more excited at the prospect of being away from them than going back. One user compared the two. “This may not be as big a red flag as others mentioned. Sometimes when you are together for a long time you forget what it’s like to apart. And then when you are apart you yearn to be together again. But if you still prefer the time apart then yes, something is wrong.”
Another user provided a helpful example. “Like pretending to still be asleep in the morning and get up the minute they left the house.”
10. When They Want To Take a Break
Breaks are often just “soft breakups.” Usually the party that initiated it wants to go out and try other things with other people, but still keep you around as a backup plan. One user worded it perfectly. “‘I need time to see if it'll work out with this other person and if it doesn't I'll come back like nothing happened until I meet someone new and do this again.'”
Another user provided additional insight. “Most of the time it just means they want to suck you dry for everything you can provide and fall back on you when the new thing they're trying doesn't work out. Don't let the door hit you on the way out!”
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