Communication is difficult. Here are ten phrases to avoid at all costs.
1. Invalidating Emotions
When a man tells a woman to “stop being so emotional” or “she's overreacting,” it can have devastating effects. It sends the message that her feelings are not valid and that she is being irrational. This dismissive behavior can make women feel like their thoughts and emotions don't matter and even make them crazy. Rather than belittling a woman's emotions, listening and validating how she feels is crucial, even if it may not make sense to you.
2. Classic Break-Up Line
“It's not you, it's me” may seem like a considerate way to break up with someone, but it is one of the worst things a man can say to a woman. This phrase leaves her feeling confused and wondering what went wrong. It can also come across as insincere and lacking accountability. Men need to take responsibility for their reasons for ending a relationship and communicate them honestly and clearly, even if it may be uncomfortable.
3. Dehumanizing Language
Referring to women as “ladies” is not only grammatically incorrect but also disrespectful and sexist. Women deserve to be acknowledged as human beings, not reduced to their gender. This phrase can signal to women that the man may hold misogynistic views. Men need to use language that shows respect and recognizes the humanity of women.
4. Excusing Responsibility
Blaming a woman for not saying “no” is manipulative and shifts responsibility from the man, who should have respected her boundaries. It puts the woman in a difficult position and implies she is at fault for not speaking up, even if she feels uncomfortable or coerced. Men must respect women's boundaries and seek enthusiastic and ongoing consent.
5. Victim Blaming
Asking a woman what she wore after sexual assault or harassment is insensitive and one of the worst things a man can say. This question places blame on the victim and implies that her clothing or behavior caused the assault. Sexual assault and harassment are about power and control, not sexual desire or attraction. Men must hold themselves and others accountable for their actions and work actively to prevent sexual violence.
6. Dismissing Struggles of Parenthood
A passionate supporter of women's rights argues that telling a woman “you wanted to have kids” is one of the most dismissive phrases a man can use to silence a woman's concerns about motherhood. It implies that she should have been prepared for parenting challenges and that her experiences are invalid. This phrase can also wrongly hold women solely responsible for the difficulties of raising children, disregarding the father's role and societal factors that make parenting tough.
7. Policing Women's Appearance
A blogger with a strong voice asserts that telling a woman, “You look better with makeup,” is a hurtful phrase that can be used to shame women for their natural appearance or to control how they present themselves. It implies that a woman's true appearance is inferior or less attractive than the way she chooses to look. This phrase can also be used to enforce patriarchal beauty standards and to police women's behavior.
8. Invalidating Emotions
A woman speaks out about how telling a woman to “cheer up, it might never happen” is a phrase that can be used to silence a woman's feelings or struggles. It implies that her emotions are irrational or baseless and that she should keep them to herself. This phrase can also be used to gaslight women, making them doubt their own experiences and emotions. Instead of invalidating a woman's feelings, men must listen to her and validate her emotions, offering support and empathy when needed.
9. Reinforcing Toxic Masculinity
A particular individual raises awareness about how “Saturday is for the boys” can be used to exclude women and promote toxic masculinity. It implies that men need to separate themselves from women and that spending time with women is less valuable than spending time with other men. This phrase can also encourage harmful behaviors such as excessive drinking, objectification of women, and lack of respect for boundaries.
10. Body Shaming
A concerned citizen speaks up about how asking a woman, “Are you pregnant or just really fat?” is a hurtful and degrading phrase that can be used to shame and humiliate women for their bodies. It implies that a woman's worth is tied to her physical appearance and that it is acceptable to comment on and judge her body without her consent. This phrase can also be incredibly triggering and hurtful for women who have struggled with body image issues or eating disorders. Instead of commenting on a woman's body, men need to respect women's bodily autonomy and recognize that all bodies are valid and deserve respect.
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