10 Swear-Free Insults You Can Get Away With Anywhere

Cursing at a person can be very insulting. Still, some insults involving no curse words can be far more eloquent and cut deeper if understood by the person being insulted. When insulting someone's intelligence, some may go right over their heads.

1. Smooth Brain

There is a belief that the more folds a brain has, the smarter they are. One user said, “What's funny about calling someone a smooth brain is that they must be at least a bit smart to understand that wrinkles are formed when a new memory or concept is learned.”

So if a person is smooth-brained, this insult may go over their heads, as a smooth brain would be wrinkle-free, meaning they are not intelligent.

2. You're About as Useful as a Lace Parachute

You're about as useful as a lace parachute should not need much explaining since a lace parachute would cause you to fall straight to the ground at a very fast speed. One user explained, “I said this to a coworker who stood and watched me load bags of concrete into a truck without offering to help.”

3. Impossible To Underestimate

One user said, “You are becoming impossible to underestimate.” No matter how low your expectations of someone's actions or the results you expected, somehow, this person went even lower.

4. Who Ties Your Shoes

We are taught at a young age how to tie our shoes. Asking someone, “Who ties your shoes for you in the morning?” implies they must be so uneducated they couldn't even tie their shoes.

5. You're Not Pretty Enough To Be That Stupid

One user commented, “You're not pretty enough to be that stupid.” This statement is a double insult as you insult not only their intelligence but also their looks. Another user said, “I have worked with a few people to whom this would apply.”

6. Dynamite for Brains, You Wouldn't Have Enough to Blow Your Nose

Insulting someone's intelligence can “blow up” in your face to the wrong person. But telling someone, “if you had dynamite for brains, you wouldn't have enough power to blow your nose,” it's probably safe to say it would not.

7. Have the Day You Deserve

One user said, “may you have the kind of day you deserve.” This statement would greatly insult a person behaving rudely or disruptive. Another user commented, “I work in retail. I definitely have times when this phrase could be used on rude customers.”

8. Were You Conceived on a Highway?

Implying a person was born or conceived by accident is very insulting, not only suggesting that the person is an accident, but also to their parents for making a mistake. So this phrase, “Were you conceived on a highway? I've heard that's where most accidents happen,” can be highly insulting to a person.

Another user said, “It is to humanity's great misfortune that your parents met.” A third user added, “My grandma looked at me, smiled sweetly, and said I really regret the day your mother met my son.”

9. Wisdom Has Been Chasing You, but You Have Always Been Faster

An old one, but still good, “wisdom has been chasing you, but you have always been faster.” One user commented, “I once said this to a coworker, and he stared at me momentarily. Then when he finally responded, he said in a questionable tone, thank you? Made the insult funnier.”

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10. You're the Reason Shampoo Come With Instructions

One user stated, “I've said to my brother “you're the reasons shampoo comes with instructions.” Another way of saying this would be to tell them, “you're the reason soap has warning labels.”

Another user commented, “The people that need to read the instructions can't or won't read the instructions.”

Read the original thread here.

This article was produced and syndicated by Max My Money.


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