The concept of the “nice guy” has long been romanticized in our society, depicting a male figure who exudes kindness and respect towards women. However, behind this facade, a darker reality often lurks. This article will give a platform to women who have encountered the unsettling experiences of so-called “nice guys.”
Split Personalities
“He wanted to impress upon me what a good guy he was, and he was also too scared to ask me out like a normal person. He had his “split personality” tell me it really wanted me dead, but Nice Guy was bravely holding it back because he liked me so much. Obviously I fell head over heels immediately.”
The Coworker
“I was friends with a coworker. We had hung out a few times socially after work and got along well but it never really occurred to me to wonder if he was interested in me. At that point in my life I did not get a lot of male attention, and honestly was pretty cringey myself, but that's for a different thread.
Anyway we were walking side by side and I guess he went to put his arm around me. It surprised me (like that ‘someone is tapping you on the opposite shoulder' trick) and I turned abruptly. He took it as incredibly rude, gave me an angry lecture about leading people on and how disgusting you make someone feel when you literally flinch from their touch, and called me a not-so-nice word. Uh… sorry for my reflexes?
About a week later another friend came to me at work to let me know that guy was telling everyone I was sleeping my way through the department. Nice! The dumbest part was that I probably would have gone on a date with him if he'd asked–I just had no idea he was thinking along those lines. Bullet dodged!”
The Tampon Man
“In high school a guy I barely knew tried to convince me to tell my parents that I was going to a friend's house but really go hang out with him. I was normally rebellious but got the feeling that my parents would be right in telling me I couldn’t spend time with him. I politely rejected his offer and blamed my parents so it wouldn’t be awkward and he retaliated by covering my dad’s car in dyed tampons. Patrick, you’re a creep.”
#51
“This all played out on social media, never met the guy in person. He found me through some posts I made on someone else's discussion thread and tried to derail the conversation to how good I looked. A couple hours later, he messaged me. We go back and forth a little bit, him waxing poetic about how lovely I was and how he was looking to settle down and how every woman he'd been with (at least fifty) had messed with him in some way. I tried to be polite and let him down easy since he wasn't what I was looking for at the time.
He quickly got angry and ranted about how it wasn't fair and how messed up it was that I wouldn't at least give him A CHANCE, until I lost patience and blocked him. And that's how I became #51.”
The Elaborate Ploy
“This actually just happened recently. My good friend from college and I, along with other friends from our program went out to a bar to celebrate finishing our degree. He kept feeding me shots but I figured everyone just wanted to be drunk and have a good time. The night is coming to an end and I’m quite incapacitated. My “good friend” frantically approaches me saying that he had just seen a guy put something in my drink (which I had just finished). He told me that I would soon be unconscious and it was best that he take me back to his apartment so he could take care of me. Being heavily drunk and also quite scared, I agreed and he helped me back to his apartment.
After making me something to eat and giving me some water, we set up camp for the night on his couch. He put on a movie and he said he would sit and watch me sleep to make sure I didn’t throw up or anything. As I started to dose off he started touching me, first on my feet and knees and then my upper thigh. I confronted him about it and he said after everything he had done he felt he deserved “compensation”. I laughed it off but after he tried to make a move again I got angry and we began fighting. He exposed to me that no one had put anything in my drink and it was all a ploy to allow him to make his move. After some more arguing he decided it was best I left, and he kicked me out of his apartment at 3:00 am while I was still considerably drunk.
This is someone whom I’ve trusted and spent 4 years being friends with. Safe to say I’ll be a lot more speculative with future male friends.”
Unsuccessful Persistence
“Right after high school, a guy came out of the woodworks and told me that he had a crush on me. I thought it was nice, but I just did not like him. He was always buying me presents and dropping them off at my mom’s house. I always said thanks, but told him I just wasn’t interested. We had the same group of friends so I would see him from time to time. When I would see him he would pull me aside and politely ask me to go on a date with him. I told him that I just didn’t see him that way. One day, I ran into him at the store and he asked me out again and I went on this long rant about how I was going off to college and I didn’t want to be tied down. He ended up asking me out AGAIN. I ended up walking away. He came up behind me and pushed me! He has this evil look in his eye, and I ran to my car and called my mom.
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He ended up messaging me a couple days later and telling me that he’s just mad because God told him I was the one he was going to marry. I blocked him on all social media and my phone. He still managed to get my new address when I moved off to college and one time he drove almost an hour to my apartment. He knocked on my door and he handed me a bag of my favorite candy. I flipped out like I should have done many times before and I threatened to call the cops and get a restraining order. I’ve seen him once in the last 7 years with his wife and new baby. I hope he has changed!”
The Texter
“So not a stereotypical nice guy really, but I met him at a party, gave him a ride home and after belting out “don't stop believing” together, he asked for my number. We went on one date, and texted for a week. Then Saturday morning, I woke up to 50+ texts that started with asking what I was doing (sleeping because i worked in the morning) and went all the way up to “I should just kill myself since no one wants to talk to me”
I told him that was unacceptable as I had already told him i worked Saturday morning, but even if I hadn't there's no reason to text me over 50 times. If I'm not answering, I'm not answering.
He whined about being so nice, and how good he was to me and blah blah blah blah blah. Thankfully, when my friends asked why i was ignoring such a nice guy, showing them the texts was enough for them to drop it.”
Best View in Hollywood
“I met a guy one night after a night out. Exchanged numbers, he was handsome, seemed normal. We met for dinner, and I was surprised when he brought flowers and a bottle of wine, as it was our first date and we knew nothing about each other yet. Throughout dinner, I noticed that he would ask questions, but not listen to my answers. He seemed in his own world, as if he was preparing his next question. Very robotic. He mentioned that his sister was out of town and he was house-sitting for her in the building a few blocks away. Okay…even though he weirded me out a bit, I was young and still felt like things were going fairly well.
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Anyways, when we left, he was walking me to my car. I was wearing heels, and as such, felt comfortable holding onto the crook of his arm for support as we walked. As we walked, he tried to persuade me to come into the apt building that he was supposedly house-sitting. “We’ll go up to the rooftop,” he said. “BEST VIEW IN HOLLYWOOD.” Which was the clincher for me, bc it was so corny, and also so creepy. I kept saying “No, no, I have to get up early, etc..” when we got next to the building, he tightens his grip on me and said “What’s your problem??” His facade dropped and he looked scary, and angry. “I bought you flowers, I brought wine, I paid for dinner..” as if he was checking off ABC is supposed to equal D. Then; “WE WERE HAVING FUN WERENT WE???” And was pulling me towards the door and twisting my arm. I pulled away from him and literally ran to my car and pulled off. I have no doubt he would have hurt me if I hadn’t. I know this is beyond NiceGuys but the way he felt that he had systematically performed his steps and earned more from me..the horror stays with me.”
What Boundaries?
“I used to work at Gamestop and the building was connected to a Starbucks. He recognized me from high school, but was a year under me, so I had no idea who he was (I generally kept to myself). He'd talk to me as I waited for my order and he seemed pretty cool.
A couple weeks later he tells me I'm pretty and if we could hang out. I'm engaged, so I told him outright. He promised me that he just wanted to be friends, and I'm – apparently – a very gullible person. He'd get me free Starbucks, tell me I'm a great artist, yada yada. About 2 weeks later he asks me to meet him at a bar because he's upset about something. Trying to be a good friend, I go to comfort him.
So, I go to the bar, and he's already drunk. I didnt drink because if things turned sour, I could just leave. He gets all feely on my thigh. I tell him I'm uncomfortable, so he stops apologizes that he's drunk. I kick his ass at pool and he asks me to go smoke with him. I dont smoke cigarettes, but sure I'll go talk.
He pushed me against the wall, kissed me, and put his hand in my pants. I fought him back, but a dude leaving the bar got him off of me.
No ‘nice guy' will ever be trusted again.”
The Persistent Gamer
“Was playing video games with a friend of mine when he asked if his friend could join us, invited him to the match and the discord call, dude was friendly enough and a pretty decent player so we added each other and would play a couple matches together whenever we were both online.
We kept playing together for a couple weeks, but every once in a while I'd get burnt out and switch to a different game or just not play for a couple nights. At first he'd just send me casual messages, asking if I wanted to play a couple matches, I'd either join him or politely decline, but as time went on he became more obsessed with playing matches specifically with me. Every single night he'd ask if I wanted to play and every single night I'd have to make up some excuse. If he saw I was in a full party, he'd pm me and try to guilt me into kicking someone, even after I'd explain it wasn't a random group and they were my guildmates and irl friends. It didn't matter to him: if I was playing, it should be with him.
I tried to keep things amicable between us and still casually chatted with him when we weren't playing video games. He was from out of the country, lived in the next state over and always complained about how lonely he was. I told him well, he wasn't alone, he had me as a friend, and that's when he told me he'd much prefer me as a girlfriend instead.
I was absolutely dumbfounded, because I am a raging butch lesbian with an extremely deep voice, we had each other added on Facebook, and I tend to wear my identity on my sleeve. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and broke it to him that I wasn't into men, and he told me that he didn't care. I laughed it off and stupidly assumed that meant he didn't judge, but obviously….not what he meant. I just tried to see the best in him.
I stopped reaching out to him at that point, but he continued to message me. Every time he'd see me online, he'd pm me and ask why we weren't hanging out any more, he missed me, he was so lonely, he'd really like some company. I continued to gently tell him to leave me alone, but he wouldn't take the hint. He started to get bolder in his advances and would constantly complain that I ruined his day because he'd work hard all day and come home expecting me to play video games with him, and it was sooo disappointing when I wouldn't let him into my group or I'd be offline or playing a different game.
Eventually he just straight up started asking me to be his girlfriend and to come visit him. I tried to explain in every way possible that I was a lesbian and was barely interested in being his friend at this point. Again, he'd just counter it with “I don't care”. I finally got fed up of being hunted by this guy and told him he could either knock all this off, or I'd block him and kick him from my discord server. He persisted, and so did I. Said goodbye and blocked him on all our shared social media and kicked+banned him from my server, while he alternatively tried to beg and guilt me out of it.
The friend that introduced us has no idea what happened, just that we don't hang out any more. I don't know and frankly don't care what that guy told my friend, if anything at all, but we're close enough that I'm not worried about it. If he ever asks then I'll tell him, but I haven't seen them hang out in over a year, so I think the feeling may be mutual.”
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