Boyfriend Doesn’t Invite Her Family to the Proposal, Will She Be Angry?

A Reddit user shared her story of spoiling the surprise for her friend and telling her that her boyfriend was planning to propose.

Planning the Perfect Proposal

The original poster (OP) explained that her friend's boyfriend reached out to her a while back and asked her to help him figure out the ring size and set up for his proposal. OP said that since she has known her friend for over 20 years, she knew exactly what her friend wanted for her proposal.

OP said she relayed all of this information to him via text and over the phone. She also covertly found and confirmed which ring her friend wanted the most. OP paused to add that her friend is very family and friend oriented, and has mentioned in the past that her boyfriend has never made much of an effort to join the family or friendships the way she does with his.

OP said that although she generally likes the guy, she has always felt that he is very self-serving and self-focused. Recently, OP found out through a mutual friend that he had created a group chat with his friends and family to set up the proposal. However, he completely excluded her family and close friends from the event.

He only plans on having his “boys” and family present, and OP believes it would break her friend's heart if they weren't there.

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Hostile Confrontation

OP said that she was furious and called him to confront him. She said at first he dodged her questions but finally came out and said, “this is my proposal and I’ve spent enough time and money to choose how I do it, just be happy for your friend. It’s not like you’re not coming to the wedding.”

OP said this made her even more angry, and on top of that she ran into her friend's parents and asked them subtly if they were aware of a proposal and they had no idea. OP said she also knows for a fact that her friend insisted that her boyfriend ask for her father's blessing. OP said that her friend wears her heart on her sleeve and she knows exactly what the outcome will be if she sees all of his family and friends but none of hers.

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OP pointed out that considering her previous sentiments about his lack of interest in her family/friends, she will view the proposal as being hurtful and selfish and will cry. OP added that the location for the proposal is thirty minutes away from her friend's parents' house. OP said that she didn't want to cause a fight or ruin the surprise, but she also feels like she owes it to her friend to help her avoid the hurt and disappointment.

OP also suggested that maybe her friend needs to rethink her future and whether she wants to marry someone who doesn't appreciate what she values in life.

Would OP be justified in telling her friend about the proposal? Or should she let it play out and let her friend make her own judgments? How would you have reacted in this situation?

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